My Name Is Not Rapunzel!
by Sarigo
Summary: TamakixHaruhi; "Because my dad's a crossdresser, who locked me up in a tower, so that I could learn basic housewifing skills. I'm pretty screwed up!"
1. Chapter 1

__**A/N: To spare you from having to read over five thousand words as one story, I'm cutting the story up into chapters. I'll probably release every day, or every other day. Anyways, the story's already been finished. I hope you like it!**

_**Reviews Appreciated**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club, or the story of Rapunzel.**

"A long time ago, a husband and wife lived in a small cottage near the edge of a forest. They were happily married for around five years, and were expecting children. However, the wife grew ill, and feared that if a small herb called "rapunzel" were not brought from their neighbor's garden, she would die. This herb was said to have magical healing powers that prolonged life and cured all illnesses."

The announcer stood at the foot of the stage, speaking each word cautiously, so as to not slip up. He told it slow, but not in a boring manner. He had the eyes of the entire city on him. More importantly, he'd caught the attention of a young, handsome boy who was known as the prince. He'd hoped to do so.

King Yuzuru of the kingdom of Ouran was a kind man, but his days were thinning. His son had often attended the local plays, he knew. So, he told the owner of the theatre to tell a story of love, so that his son may become interested and try finding a love of his own. When he married a woman, he would finally be able to claim his spot as King, and Yuzuru could retire.

"The husband had heard rumors that this garden was owned by a wicked witch, so rather than ask for this herb, he stole it. The witch soon found out, and caught him in the act. She offered to give him the herb, in exchange for his first-born child. Loving his wife over all, the husband agreed to this trade..."

Prince Tamaki was absorbing every word. His best friend, who had sort of been adopted by the family, stood next to him in the balcony they watched from.

"Hey, Kyoya," Tamaki whispered. "It's strange, isn't it? How he'd trade his wife's life for his kid's."

"Well, not really. You see, he didn't have a kid yet. I'm sure if that had been the case, the wife wouldn't have let him do it."

"Hm. He must have really loved his wife to make a trade with a witch, though."

Kyoya looked at him.

"They say this story is based on something that actually happened, you know?"

Tamaki laughed.

"Yeah, but they say that about everything."

The show pressed onwards. Happy, sad, happy, sad, until finally, the finale.

The prince was wandering through the woods. After being thrown from Rapunzel's tower by the witch, he had landed in thorn bushes, and his eyes were scratched so that he could not see.

"Rapunzel," he whimpered. "Rapunzel..."

He continued walking until he bumped into his girl, and cried out.

The kiss, the reunited princess with her parents, the marriage, the banishing of the witch.

"What did you think?" Kyoya asked.

Tamaki smiled.

"It was cool. I think I get it now."

.

.

Tamaki took a daily horse ride out into the woods. He had since he was little. It was peaceful, and always calm around this time of day.

"Oh, Antoinette," he said to his horse, patting her on the face. "If only the kingdom were so peaceful. You know, father's been nagging me again, about finding a woman."

The horse trotted around in its familiar circle around the woods.

"I don't really feel the need to have a woman, though. I want an adventure with a girl, not some easy girl who only knows me for my father. I want a Snow White. I want a Sleeping Beauty. I want a Rapunzel."

The horse must have been startled by a mouse, because out-of-nowhere, it reared up on its hind legs, knocking a surprised Tamaki off of its back.

"Hey, Antoinette!" he yelled, angrily. "What on earth was that...for..."

He looked into the direction he had landed, and found a cave. He smirked.

"I'll be right back," he said, tying his horse up to a tree and running to the cave.

He walked through it, absorbing every last detail. Even small things like cave exploring were adventures for him - for he wasn't even supposed to leave Ouran, let alone walk in the forest outside of it.

Singing.

He heard singing.

He looked around. It was faint. He wasn't sure how he was even hearing it. He continued forward, and the singing grew louder. He closed his eyes, and let his ears guide him.

Light.

He opened them and found himself in a field surrounded by forest, and in the middle - a large tower. He fell to his knees.

"A...a tower..."

He felt foolish, but he approached the tower anyways. The singing continued, and he was intrigued.

That is, until the singer suddenly messed up her song by getting off key. He heard a little bit of self-aimed cursing, and then the singing started over. He laughed, and looked up.

"Tamaki, you old fool. You're imagining things," he told himself.

But he didn't believe his words, truth be told.

"Rapunzel!" he yelled to the tower. "Rapunzel! Let down your long...hair...yeah! Let down your long hair!"

It didn't sound as good when he yelled it as when the actor did.

Unexpectedly, hair was tossed out of the tower. Long, beautiful, brown hair.

He caught it in his arms, and blushed. Was Rapunzel truly there?

Then, the hair kept landing in his arms. And falling. And landing. And falling. Until eventually, the hair ran out and was all piled in his arms. It was slightly heavy.

Princes aren't taught to lift anything, so he fell over.

The girl looked out of her window.

"H-hey! Are you Rapunzel?" Tamaki cried out. "What's with all this random hair? Aren't you supposed to let yours down?"

She stared at him, with her left eyebrow raised.

"Hey," she stated bluntly. "You're not the hairman."

"The what?"

She smiled. "Sorry I tossed all of that at you. It was supposed to be picked up today. I just got it all trimmed."

He laughed, thinking this to be some sort of strange joke.

"Erm, it's fine."

They stared at each other awkwardly.

"Lady Rapunzel," he said, trying to keep himself calm. She was beautiful. "Would you please let down your hair, so that I may climb it and meet you?"

She laughed at him.

"I just did. It knocked you down, I believe."

He was confused. He decided to pretend he didn't hear that, and ask again. He got down on one knee.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your long hair!"

"I'm telling you, whoever you are - that _was _my hair! I just got it cut off! And my name is _not _Rapunzel!"

"Well, why on earth would you do such a thing?"

"What, cut my hair?"

"Yes! Why would you cut it? I'm sure it looked fine before!"

"Because my dad's a crossdresser, who locked me up in a tower, so that I could learn basic housewifing skills! I'm pretty screwed up!"

"What on Earth is a crossdresser?"

The girl shook her head and mumbled to herself, "And I thought I was socially slow."

Tamaki waited patiently, but then decided she wasn't going to give an answer.

"Hey, what is your name?"

She looked back down at him.

"Haruhi."

"Full name?"

"Just Haruhi. I'm not rich enough for a last name."

_Could people really be that poor?_ Tamaki thought.

"Why are you in a tower?"

"How many times are you going to make me repeat this? My crossdressing father-"

"Locked you up so you could learn basic housewifing skills. Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Why on Earth would he do that?"

She mulled it over.

"Because then I'd have to learn them. Doesn't matter if I'm in a tower or not, though. I hear from father that the women in the kingdoms have to have an escort to leave their homes. So do I. So it's even."

"Have you ever been to Ouran?"

"Nope. I've only been in the forests - I'm not allowed to leave the tower for the city until I'm older and ready to marry."

He sighed.

"So you're not ready to marry anyone?"

"No way! I have yet to master singing, and cooking. I can't marry without singing and cooking! Father says that's all women are allowed to do!"

"That's not true!"

"Then what can they do?"

Tamaki mulled this over. He didn't reply.

"Thought so."

There was another awkward silence.

"Would you be ready to marry if I returned tomorrow?"

"Do you really think women are that simple?"

"They are when you're a prince."

"Well, not when the only male figure they've ever spoken to was a crossdresser!"

She shut the window.

"Rapunzel?"

"IT'S HARUHI!"

"Haruhi? Will you be here tomorrow?"

"Yes. Because I was totally lying about being _locked up in this tower._"

"Great. I'll see you then."

He was coming back. Totally.

.

.

**End-of-Chapter Notes: I wrote this whole story in English class, because the teacher never seems to be paying attention to me. (When I say "whole thing", I mean all five chapters to be posted. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I remember I said that I wrote this WHOLE story during English Class. Well, I looked over it, and I didn't really like the flow. So, I'm rewriting it. Sorry for the awkwardly long delay!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own OHSHC.**

_**Reviews Appreciated.**_

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.

The ride to the tower was slightly more deliberate today. And by slightly more, I mean not actually deliberate at all. Tamaki really had meant to revisit her, but he thought more and more about it, and was actually beginning to doubt loving this girl.

"Tamaki," Kyoya had mentioned earlier in the day, sliding his monocle into place. He usually wore glasses**, **but the kids were into monocles. So he bought himself a pair...or, a single one...whatever. "If a lady is to marry the prince, she must have princess-like behavior. And everything you've said so far sounds more like that of a wench."

"No, no, Kyoya. She isn't a wench. She's different, sure, but she's funny, and witty, and pretty. Especially for a girl with such short hair."

"A princess should have long hair, Tamaki. I thought you were comparing her to Rapunzel?"

"Well, maybe it's a spin-off."

"You're completely hopeless. Your father would never agree and, based on what you've said about her, neither would she."

"I'll show you," Tamaki had replied, and rode off into the forest, not entirely sure of what he was going to show him. But he knew he would, whatever it was.

Back to the present.

He was walking back and forth in front of the cave. Antoinette looked a little annoyed with being tied up, and huffed at him in the peculiar way that a horse huffs at a human.

"Be patient, Antoinette. I'm sure you'll like her enough to forgive me when you meet her."

This was it. He was going in.

Wait. No he wasn't.

Yes he was.

No. He wasn't.

He sighed, frustrated, and entered the cave. The familiar singing voice came into his ears, this time singing a lovely high-tune. If he knew the words, he'd join in and sing a long. The village people had always told him he had a lovely singing voice.

As he drew closer, it occurred that he did know the tune. So, he ran to the tower, and also sang.

"_Swiftly, swiftly, to and fro,_

_Spin the maiden, off she goes~_

_Dancing till the night grows dim,_

_Take her to your room and then-"_

"Hey there, Prince-y."

He jumped and looked up, realizing that she must have stopped singing some time ago. He didn't like feeling foolish.

"Just a question, my fair Rapun- Haruhi...what was the name of that delightful tune?"

"Well, the one I was singing was something I wrote in my own time. I'm not sure what the hell you were yelling."

"Singing, you mean?"

"If by singing you mean mocking the noise a bear makes when it attacks a group of people who are trying to rob her of her cub, then yes."

"I've been told I have a great singing voice."

She shook her head, smiling.

"Obviously you've been lied to, Prince-boy."

"Prince Tamaki."

"Hey. You call me Rapunzel, I call you Prince-boy."

He started to get mad, but then laughed and shook it off. Despite her rudeness, Haruhi was funny. That's something most maidens lacked.

He found a nearby log, and sat on top of it. He brushed his fingers through his hair, which would normally at least earn him one fangirl scream. It only earned him a blank stare this time.

"You're strange," Haruhi took note. Tamaki nodded.

"I'm aware. But, so are you. You're not foaming at the mouth with the site of me."

"Oh. I'm sure that's attractive. "

Silence.

"Hey," Tamaki spoke.

"Yeah?"

"What's your father like?"

"My...father? Well, I suppose he's nice...to me. He'd probably rip your face off if he met you. Then he'd lick the blood off his hands."

"That's...descriptive."

"Nah. That's what he always says to me when he talks about boys."

"So then, when you learn singing and cooking, he's going to set you free?"

"Yep."

"Why don't you just run away when you say you're going to the forest? You said he let you out into the woods."

"Only to gather. What kind of person would it make me if I didn't bring him herbs back? He needs them."

"He could get them himself."

"So you really want to learn how to sing and cook, don't you?"

"I've recently added cleaning and flower arranging to the list."

"Flower arranging?"

"Yes. And dancing."

"How are you supposed to learn how to dance up there?"

She shrugged.

"I guess that one can wait."

He looked up at her, and stretched, as if he had been sitting there all day. Proposition time.

"Say, Haruhi..."

"Mmhmm?"

"I was wondering...if I can get you out of there...would you...marry me?"

…

"I've known you for two days. You just started saying my name right. Why the hell would I..."

"Because you'd be free!"

"Well maybe I like being in a tower. I don't have to smell people. You know, a group of nasty, sweaty villagers really doesn't suit my tastes."

Tamaki scrunched up his nose.

"So...you won't marry me because other people smell bad?"

"Well, how do I know you don't stink?"

"Because I'm rich."

She rolled her eyes, and left her window.

"If you can get me out of here," she shouted, not coming back. "Then I'll go on a date with you. A casual date. No first kiss on the first date. No sex. A hug if you're lucky. But I'm not a fairy princess – there's no way I'd marry you so fast. Even if you are a rich prince."

"What...what makes you so different from other girls? You're so..."

He couldn't find the word. She laughed, but he didn't hear this.

"Because, when you're raised differently, you don't exactly follow the culture. Now then. If you want the slightest shot at getting me, I'd suggest you go home and start planning a way to get me out of here without my father's key."

Challenge accepted.

"You know," Tamaki yelled back, turning away from the tower. "You're one quirky girl, Haruhi. I'll be back tomorrow, with a way to get you out of there!"

He turned, his cape blowing behind him with the force. He ran to Antoinette, and hopped on her back.

"I swear...I'll come back for you. You're going to be mine," he whispered, though he knew that no one could hear him.

.

.

Tamaki stood in his room, facing his mirror in his sleepwear. He didn't take a liking to that mirror – it was just the wrong shade of gold. There were a lot of things he didn't like much in this room – the fireplace, for instance. Why on earth did he have a fireplace in his freaking bedroom? No. Just, no.

A knock came to the door.

"Enter," he said, quickly jumping onto his bed and covering himself with the covers. In came two friends of his – the twins Hikaru and Kaoru.

"Hello, Prince," Hikaru said, coming to the side of his bed. Kaoru went to the other side. The two were slightly hard to tell apart. All you could take into consideration were the parts in their hair and the fact that Hikaru's voice was more mischeivous.

"Good evening."

"Your father sent for us to inform you – there is to be a ball in three days time, starting tomorrow," Kaoru informed, voice squeaking a little. When he hit puberty, his voice would probably be more like Hikaru's.

"A ball?"

"Indeed," answered the twins in unison.

"What's this all of a sudden?"

"Well," Hikaru started. "The King has decided it's high time you get yourself a woman. So, you're to pick your favorite dance partner, and we'll see how it goes."

Tamaki disguised his disgust with a slightly menacing grin. "You don't say?"

The twins nodded.

"We'll leave you to sleep now," they both said, and left the room. Tamaki slammed his head into his pillow.

"Great."

He looked to the side of his bed, where an old birdcage sat. There was once a dove in there. The poor thing was completely miserable. It didn't chirp, or even look around. It hung its head down the way a prisoner does when he's being taken to the gallows. Tamaki knew that he was tired of being locked up, and eventually let him go. His father, who had given him the bird, questioned this. He had claimed the bird died, and he had buried it this morning. To this, his father simply said: "Well from now on, have a servant do it. It's not princelike to romp about in the mud."

"Haruhi," Tamaki whispered, stroking the other pillow as if it were her – which, honestly, would be creepy if this weren't the middle ages. "You're going to a ball. That's when I'll propose."

He smiled to himself, and shut his eyes.

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**/end-of-chapter notes: Rant time! So, I've decided to do a Princess Mononoke cosplay. However, I want to make the entire thing myself. So, in order to learn how to do most of this, I consult the only girl I know who is handy with anything. Turns out, she's moving soon. She's in the anime club, which is my best chance to talk to her. But...I'm afraid of the anime club. (Hilarious? No.) I'm a fan of anime, but the people in there creep me out...I'd have to sneak in there. Plus, the teacher that hosts that club is a total pedophile and...yeah. He's also an after-school-hall-monitor. I don't like him. To be continued.**


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